Homestudy Visits...This Week

For those of you keeping track, I found this graphic that may be helpful in understanding our Adoption Journey:

In our journey (as it is our second adoption and we are not using the HOPE, INC agency), we have made it all the way to the Home Study phase of the process.  Brian and I finally got the paperwork turned in June 5th.  It was a huge relief to have this piece DONE and handed into our caseworker, Janis Simkins, at Lutheran Children & Family Services of Missouri.

We feel very blessed that our caseworker was willing and able to set-up our home visits so quickly following the past months of us plugging through our paperwork.  Both visits will be this Tuesday and Thursday.  Please pray that everything will go smoothly.  Last time, I was very nervous about having someone come to my home and determine whether our home and family would be fit for a new child.  I think I may have driven a few of the kids crazy in my cleaning frenzy!  This time, I am a bit older and wiser and recognize the importance of Janis seeing how life really is in our home.  Don't worry!  I will clean a bit more than usual, but not enough to derail our semi-relaxed summer pace.

Following our visits this week, our caseworker will need time to compile everything into a neat and tidy packet that our consultants (Dawn & Jason) with Christian Adoption Consultants.  This part of the process can take up to a month or so depending on our caseworker's work load.  So, we need to get our financial support together so we are ready to start "matching" with potential adoption situation by the beginning of September.  Having just typed that, I am fairly confident that this timeline is MINE and may not be God's...so, as I move forward in faith, here's what we know:

1)  We are pursuing a "Special Needs Adoption."  This means that the we will be looking at situation that have children special needs (E would have fallen in this category), children over the age of 3 and sibling groups.  We will be prayerfully considering any and every option that Dawn & Jason share with us.  However, we will patiently wait until we feel God's hand saying it's time to move.

2) We cannot begin to look at potential adoption situations until our funds are raised.  Most situations will require the money right away and the cost of adoption can range anywhere from $20,000 - $34,000.  It feels overwhelming when I just look at the total amount.  However, a good friend helped me break it down into goals that feel more manageable.

Each of the boxes in the two graphs represent a dollar amount that we need to raise.  Once all the boxes are colored in, we will have the amount needed to ensure that we can afford to adopt any child(ren).

Now, as my recent blog re-post shared, it is NOT our intention to make you uncomfortable:

What we covet first and foremost is your focused prayers for our family and this entire process.

God has called us this far, and we know that He will see us through each stage.  Your support, encouragement and prayers as week seek to fulfill His will is such a blessing to our family!

We have been amazingly blessed by so many friends and family who have donated financially to bring us to this point already.  Each time I mark off a box, I am reminded how amazing it is to be partnering with so many people to make this calling a reality.  

One of those amazing blessings was the garage sale fundraiser this weekend.  I am blown away by the gift of time and energy that our friend, Anne, put into this act of love for our family's adoption.  It was even more amazing the number of people (both that we knew and those we didn't) who gave generously so we could have so many treasures to sell!  Our garage sale fundraiser this past weekend earned $1000.35!!  What a wonderful, amazing blessing!!

There is obviously more fundraisers in the works...including a silent auction starting on July 7th.  More information will be coming soon.  In the meanwhile, please continue to be in prayer for our family and the funds that need to be raised.  

This is Really Uncomfortable

Blog Post Originally Posted:  4/13/2014

Can I simply state the obvious?

This is really uncomfortable.

As a matter of fact, it is so uncomfortable that instead of writing about this yesterday, I choose to go the "safe" route and share about family and my continual desire to overcome my Type A+++++ personality.  But, after a sleepless night feeling the discomfort...I knew I needed to address this simple fact:

This is really uncomfortable.

Brian and I have prided ourselves on being able to provide for our family.  The few times we have had to ask family for financial help have been out of desperation...and, it was always a loan.  This time, we are asking for financial help and we know it's not a loan.  I worry about what you might think...the friendships that will be strained and the family members who may pull away.  It is our deepest desire that those who feel called to give will do so.  But, our feelings for you will not be changed based on your financial gift or lack thereof.  How do we walk this path and share honestly about our needs without pushing people away and making them feel uncomfortable?  The whole topic of the finances of this adoption keeps us on our knees in prayer.  We know that God will provide, and we are seeking clarity as the best ways to move forward.  However,

This is really uncomfortable.

While Brian and I are pretty open about our lives, our family and our faith journeys, we feel like a layer of skin has been rubbed away and we are left feeling raw and exposed as we share through this blog.  This is a huge leap of faith for us (as we have shared) and we cannot gauge your response this way.  Yet, we believe that by sharing our journey, we can help others to step out in faith.  So, each entry is read, analyze, edited and re-read again to the point of obsessiveness.  Are we being clear?  Have we conveyed our passion to do God's will in our lives?  Are we being truthful and real?

This is really uncomfortable.

We don't know the timeline and how this journey will play out.  At step 2, we wait for the Home Study Process to begin.  This can take anywhere from a month to three months.  During this period of waiting, we need to get our profile book ready.  This is a photo album and biography of our family to share with prospective adoption situations.  We also need to secure our financial backing.  Once we have a completed home study, we will be able to start sharing our profile book with expectant mothers and other adoption agencies.  We could have a placement as quickly as a few weeks from going "active" to a year later.  We simply don't know how long we will be waiting both to raise the funds we need as well as find God's match for our family.  There is both a sense of urgency to act as well as the calm that comes from knowing that there is plenty of time and things will happen on God's timing not ours.  Those two are dramatically different emotions and take turns dominating.

This is really uncomfortable.

I shared with a number of people yesterday that I was feeling "on edge."  Then, I read a Facebook post by a friend, Di Rothman:

When we feel under-qualified and overwhelmed, 

that is when God has us right where he wants us. 

That is when we need Him.

This is so very true to our journey right now.  I have never clung more tightly to God's promises and loving presence than right now.

And, it is through this time of being uncomfortable that I can feel the most growth happening in my soul.  I'm confident that a person has to be in a place of discomfort before she can change.  Isn't this true with "growing pains?"  It has been many years since I have had a growth spurt, but I have watched our children.  They lay in bed and wriggle around...there is sometimes tears as it hurts.  But without those pains, they wouldn't be gaining on me (and at least two have passed me up)!

We have also witnessed this discomfort when taking youth and adults to Haiti.  It is often as they stand in the slums of Cite Solei and are stripped of all that identifies them as parent/child/employee/friend they are forced to a place of discomfort:  Who am I really when faced with extreme poverty?  What am I to do here?  It is this time of discomfort that leads to growing as the servant God has called them to be.

I know that being uncomfortable leads to growth...to change...to life-altering, mind-blowing opportunities to be the woman God has called me to be.  And, while I pray that our blogs and our journey would never leave you feeling uncomfortable, I do pray that your journey and that path that God calls you to take will leave you saying:

This is really uncomfortable.

Why We Are Adopting...from Brian

This Blog Post Originally Posted: 2/19/14:

Lo, Children are the heritage of the Lord; 

and the fruit of the womb is his reward. 

As arrows in the hands of a mighty man, 

So are the children of a vigorous youth.  

Blessed is the man that has his quiver full of them: 

He shall never be defeated when he meets his enemies at the gate. - Psalm 127 3-5

It is my firm belief that the purpose of a man’s life can be summed up in two words…

Husband and

Father.  

Everything else is just the details. The choices you make and the path you take are to fulfill these two roles.  As men, we often get lost in our pursuit of less worthy endeavors like money, power, career, sex, sports, and shiny objects that make us feel important.  These pursuits are driven by Greed, Lust, and Envy.  The world around us provides a constant bombardment of temptation meant to pull us further away from our true calling.

For a long time I was jealous of other men.  Men driven towards specific goals in the arena of education and profession, while I struggled with no particular direction in mind.  I have learned, and know, a little bit about a lot of things, but couldn’t find the one pursuit that grabbed hold of me.  While my friends became scientists, doctors, military officers, business owner, and teachers all I could do was watch and congratulate them.

…..And then she said yes.

While I found no more clarity in the previous matters, I now knew that I must become the best husband I could be.  And so it began.  Nearly 16 years have past.  During that time there have been multiple career changes, military deployments, and many shiny things have come and gone (these details are not important.)  What is important is that I did find the passion and purpose that I didn’t see before.

She is an amazing woman.  Compassionate, kind, caring loving, intelligent, sexy, funny, giving, and warm-hearted.  If you are fortunate enough to know her, then you know my words could never due her justice. 

...And then there were five.  

Five of the most wonderful children a man could dream of.  Bright, caring, funny, loving…all these things they got from her.  She is an angelic mother and they are cherubs in her teaching.

Our journey together has brought us through troubles and joy, trials and triumphs.  The further we go, the clearer the mission that God has given me to be better as husband and father.  God expects us as Husbands and Fathers to be the Leaders of our family.  To create the way for our family.  To foster strength and courage in our wives and children.  To protect them from the world when they are young, and teach them to thrive in it as they grow.

I do not believe that God intervenes in my life to provide food and shelter and money for my family.  I must go out and get these things for them.  God does not remove struggle and make my path smooth.  I must overcome obstacles, or defeat them.  I must make the path for my family.  But, do not mistake my words, these are not things I could do without God. 

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. - Philippians 4:13

Like Jacob, Daniel, Joshua, Sampson, Jonah, and David, God gives me the strength necessary to lead my family in this world.  To tear down obstacles, to overcome fear, to stand against all that would come against my wife and children.

And He tests me.  When I become arrogant, He brings me to my knees.  When I am boastful, He trips me on my face.  When I am prideful, He knocks me on my ass.  And in my weakness, He lifts me to my feet and sends me on my way with the Armor of God at my disposal.

I will never pretend that I am the “father of the year” or the winner of the “best husband” contest.  I only pray that I am using the strength He has given me, to follow the right path.

The most important legacy of a man will be seen in the faces of his children.  Anything else he leaves behind will wither and die.  But his children will bear fruit and feeds the world.

I cannot begin to count the blessings God has brought to me.  He has filled my life with the generosity of his

spirit.  And still sometime there is emptiness.  Some small corner of my heart that has yet to be filled.

I think it is God's calling to open our home again and seek the opportunity to adopt another child.  Crazy?  I know to some it may sound crazy.  After all, isn’t five enough?  But somehow, there still seems to be room at the table.  There seems to be another laugh missing.  There seems to be a vacancy in our family pictures.   We have plenty of love to share.  There is always room for one more.

Now, I must find a way to overcome the obstacles.   Adoptions cost money.  Attorney, agency and legal fees.  Not to mention making bedroom space and getting a vehicle that could hold another person!  There is no pot of gold on my doorstep, but I believe there is a child at the end of the rainbow.  Now I have to find a way to pay the tolls for the path that will lead us there.

I know that God has a plan….the challenge will be to understand it.

Brian 

Why This Adoption? A quick catch-up...

Original Blog Post from February 25, 2014:

It has taken me a while to get to this place...but, the application and check are in the mail!

I'll be honest.
This is not easy.
This is really, really hard.
Why?
Because we are taking a gigantic leap of faith...

Brian and I started referring to E's adoption as our "first adoption" even before we had finalized his paperwork.  We knew that there were still faces missing at our dinner table and voices missing from the rooms of our home.  But, there were steps to be taken to finish the first adoption.  Then, came the uprooting of our family and moving to Missouri.

I found myself debating with God.  "Yes.  We'll adopt.  Let me just get things ready to put the house up for sale and get us settled into a new home.  Then, we can talk about it."  I even told our realtor that we had to stay in a certain price range for our new home so that we could afford to move forward with another adoption.  I'm pretty sure she thought we were crazy (and isn't alone, I fear!), but respected our decision and helped to find a home that could accommodate our "kids-not-yet-here."

After a somewhat turbulent move, we settled into our new home, schedules and routine.  I knew the call remained but I entered into my "Jonah phase."  This was marked by periods of time where I either ignored this passion all together or argued with God why it wasn't a good idea...now and maybe never.  I'm grateful that God didn't send a whale to swallow me up to get me on the right path.  (I can't imagine that...I don't even like to touch the outside of fish and don't even get me started on sushi!)  But, I often found the "ah-ha" moments equally jarring to that of being thrown up on a beach.

Over the past 3 months, the intensity to act has left me in tears of frustration and moments of panic.  The root of the issue wasn't whether our home and family can accommodate another child.  It isn't an issue of whether we can provide the essentials of food, clothing and love.  It has always remained a financial struggle.

In order to adopt E, we had to take a leap of faith.  There was a huge outpouring of support and love from both our family as well as our friends.  Our every need was met from car seat to crib to baby clothes to child care for our kiddos while we traveled to and from Florida.  It was amazing and a tremendous blessing!  However, the bulk of the cost of Elijah's adoption came out of our savings and a loan.  We can't do that this time.  This time, there is no "safety net" of a savings account or additional loans to be had.  This time, we are going to be completely dependent on God to provide for our financial needs.

We know that we are going to need to raise the funds to make this happen...and we are going to have to ask for help.  God has begun to teach us new lessons about humility and obedience and we are only done with Step 1!  We have already had a number of friends offer to help with fundraisers.  Talk about a rapid response to prayer!  

We also know that God will provide in unique and surprising ways.  Last Friday morning, I put the check into the mail box. Brian texted me mid-afternoon that he received a surprise check that was $150 MORE than the check that I put into the mail box earlier that day.  God's confirmation delivered...and received.  I could have danced all the way through the rest of my day (if the kids would have allowed it!)!

The journey has begun. 
And, I'll be honest.
(Did you expect anything else?)
This is not easy.
(But, it is so exciting to be living out God's calling through our action.)
This is really, really hard.
(I like control....and, we are simply putting our "yes" out there and letting go of control.)
Why?
Because we are taking a gigantic leap of faith...

"For nothing is impossible with God."

- Luke 1:37

Are you interested in adopting?

As part of our journey through growing our family by adoption, we feel called to share this experience with others.  We know the joy and struggles that are a real part of this process, and we hope that our testimony can help to inspire others to take a leap of faith and explore what adoption could mean for their family.

Maybe this is a new idea for you or maybe it is a calling that you have had on your life since you were young, we would recommend that your first step be to seek out information and partner with an excellent adoption agency.  Most agencies provide general informational meetings that you can attend with no strings attached.

Two agencies that we would highly recommend and invite you to contact are:

God's Children Adoption Agency
Caseworker:  Anita Ruthenbeck (Minneapolis Area)
phone:  877-431-5877
** Anita is an amazing woman with a passion for connecting children into forever families.  Not only does she do it for a "living" but it is a part of her life as an adoptive mom.  God's Children is licensed in North Dakota and Minnesota.  Even though Missouri isn't "technically" a part of Anita's jurisdiction, she continues to encourage us in our adoption and prays for our family.  Anita is a blessing!

Christian Adoption Consultants
Caseworkers:  Dawn & Jason Wright

**As we prayed and churned over the decision of whether to begin this adoption process, I had a number of conversations with Dawn.  She has been incredibly patient, reassuring and comforting. We are excited to be partnering with her and Jason in this new adventure.  Dawn & Jason not only have a passion to place children into forever families, but they live it daily with their 9 adopted children!  To read more, visit their blog:  Dawn & Jason's Blog

These are just two avenues to pursue if you are interested in growing your family through adoption.  Above all, we encourage you to surround every step you take with prayer.  We also invite you to contact us with your questions and concerns.  We would love the opportunity to pray with you, as well as share in the journey as you search for God's will.

We also know that not everyone is called to adopt.  That is okay!  God gifted us with different skills, talents and abilities for a reason.  If you have a heart for the orphaned and don't feel the call to adopt, please pray for our family and those families who are adopting.  Pray that doors be opened, funding provided, and transitions go smoothly.  Pray for patience and wisdom.  Pray for God's will to be done in the lives of children and the families who seek to adopt them.  We also invite you to consider donating of your time, talents and financial resources to help families who are seeking to adopt.