Go fund me...or fund our family, please

Ok...we aren't out to pester or "beg" just to update.  We were given the opportunity to share our profile this week for a set of twins.  We simply couldn't because we still lack the funds to move forward.  If you feel God's prodding, we would be grateful for your donation.  Every dollar helps us to move forward to fulfill God's calling for our family.

Click this link for a fundraiser/donation site that my wonderful brother set up for our family.  Every dollar brings us one step closer to being able to say "yes" when we feel that God is calling us to move forward to be a forever family for a child/ren.

A Gigantic Leap of Faith

Originally posted on February 25th, 2014

It has taken me a while to get to this place...but, the application and check are in the mail!

I'll be honest.
This is not easy.
This is really, really hard.
Why?
Because we are taking a gigantic leap of faith...

Brian and I started referring to Elijah's adoption as our "first adoption" even before we had finalized his paperwork.  We knew that there were still faces missing at our dinner table and voices missing from the rooms of our home.  But, there were steps to be taken to finish the first adoption.  Then, came the uprooting of our family and moving to Missouri.

I found myself debating with God.  "Yes.  We'll adopt.  Let me just get things ready to put the house up for sale and get us settled into a new home.  Then, we can talk about it."  I even told our realtor that we had to stay in a certain price range for our new home so that we could afford to move forward with another adoption.  I'm pretty sure she thought we were crazy (and isn't alone, I fear!), but respected our decision and helped to find a home that could accommodate the "Roeslers-not-yet-here."

After a somewhat turbulent move, we settled into our new home, schedules and routine.  I knew the call remained but I entered into my "Jonah phase."  This was marked by periods of time where I either ignored this passion all together or argued with God why it wasn't a good idea...now and maybe never.  I'm grateful that God didn't send a whale to swallow me up to get me on the right path.  (I can't imagine that...I don't even like to touch the outside of fish and don't even get me started on sushi!)  But, I often found the "ah-ha" moments equally jarring to that of being thrown up on a beach.

Over the past 3 months, the intensity to act has left me in tears of frustration and moments of panic.  The root of the issue wasn't whether our home and family can accommodate another child.  It isn't an issue of whether we can provide the essentials of food, clothing and love.  It has always remained a financial struggle.

In order to adopt Elijah, we had to take a leap of faith.  There was a huge outpouring of support and love from both our family as well as our friends.  Our every need was met from car seat to crib to baby clothes to child care for our kiddos while we traveled to and from Florida.  It was amazing and a tremendous blessing!  However, the bulk of the cost of Elijah's adoption came out of our savings and a loan.  We can't do that this time.  This time, there is no "safety net" of a savings account or additional loans to be had.  This time, we are going to be completely dependent on God to provide for our financial needs.

We know that we are going to need to raise the funds to make this happen...and we are going to have to ask for help.  God has begun to teach us new lessons about humility and obedience and we are only done with Step 1!  We have already had a number of friends offer to help with fundraisers.  Talk about a rapid response to prayer!  

We also know that God will provide in unique and surprising ways.  Last Friday morning, I put the check into the mail box. Brian texted me mid-afternoon that he received a surprise check that was $150 MORE than the check that I put into the mail box earlier that day.  God's confirmation delivered...and received.  I could have danced all the way through the rest of my day (if the kids would have allowed it!)!

The journey has begun. 
And, I'll be honest.
(Did you expect anything else?)
This is not easy.
(But, it is so exciting to be living out God's calling through our action.)
This is really, really hard.
(I like control....and, we are simply putting our "yes" out there and letting go of control.)
Why?
Because we are taking a gigantic leap of faith...

"For nothing is impossible with God."

- Luke 1:37

Ready....or Not?

I'm pretty sure that I am loooooong over-due for an update.  So, I will try to catch everyone up to speed!

Home Study is READY!

As of last Monday, our official home study paperwork is completed, signed and ready to go!  This is the final piece in the paperwork trail that assures adoption agencies that we are a good home for placing children.  It it the compilation of our family autobiography, medical history, financial health and overall "approval."

It is hard to believe that the volumes of paperwork that were filled out for this process now fits neatly into an 8 1/2 x 11 manila envelope.  We have a hard copy for our files and additional copies have been mailed to Christian Adoption Consultants.  Our consultants can now start sharing potential situations with Brian and I of birth parents looking for adoptive families as well as children who are seeking forever families.  In addition, we can sign-up with various agencies/organizations that place adoptive children to be an active family on their roster so that we can be made aware of different situations that may fit our family.

Our Profile Book is DONE!

Although Jason (our adoption consultant) had completed our profile book in early August, it has taken me a bit to get it printed and ready to send out.  This is a photo book that includes an overview of our family for birth parents to view when considering where they would like to place their child.  

It is always a bit challenging to decide what to write that will honestly convey how their selfless gift of a child will be such a cherished blessing to our family.  And, it is also hard to determine what is worth sharing and what isn't.  That is why we felt extra blessed to be able to have Jason read over our autobiographies and scan through our piles of photos to put together this adoption's profile book.

An EXTRA bonus is that we have a friend who is able to print these and bind them for us for a fraction of the cost of what it would take to get them made through Shutterfly or a similar site.  As we are saving our pennies, the $350 she saved us is a HUGE blessing!

So....here's the deal.  If you look at all of this strictly from the perspective of checking off boxes, we are ready to adopt.  All we would need to have is the right situation and we could show our profile knowing that each time we say yes COULD be a future son or daughter...sister or brother.  But, there is a rather large challenge...lack of funds.

Here's what we have collected so far through generous donations and our fundraisers:  

For those keeping track, I tried to simplify the graphs
by filling in the largest boxes to total what we have
collected so far.  Once all the boxes are filled, we are ready
to start saying yes!!

To date, we have raised $4,724.27.  That's an amazing start!!  But, as you can easily see, we are still significantly short.  I'll be honest.  I'm frustrated.  I've had a number of conversations with God...most of which start out with, "I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but....."  I'd like to believe that He finds me amusing as I continue to try and take control and tell God how THIS adoption WILL look. 

And, so now we wait.  We fill out paperwork for various grants.  I hunt for possible in-home and out-of-
home job opportunities.  We pray.  And, we work to open our hearts and minds to whatever God has in store for us.  Over the summer, both Brian and I have felt that this journey may not end with just one child in our home but possibly a sibling group.  Wouldn't that be something?!

We thank you for your continual support and prayers throughout our journey.  The texts, e-mails and notes of encouragement have been such a blessed reminder that we are not alone in this leap of faith.  Please continue to pray for Brian and I as we seek to do God's will.  Pray for our kids that they may have the patience to simply wait.  And, please pray for our future child(ren) that they may be surrounded in love as he/she/they wait to join our family.

Our Mission

While the kids and I get re-adjusted to life at home after being gone for almost a month, I wanted to share with you a few words from Brian this past Friday morning:

Here I am again, wearing this uniform and driving In the opposite direction as my family.  We have been married 17 years, I've been in the military for 16 years, our oldest child is 15 years old.  Husband, father, soldier... Is this the worst and best combination?  How has it worked for so long?  Can I keep it working well?  I have spent countless hours, days, in this uniform wondering if I am really the father and husband I have always aspired to be.

The job I do in the army is the one that no one wants to talk about.  It is not glamorous, or sexy.  It is violent and terrible. As a Christian man, it has been my greatest point of internal conflict.  But, I believe.  I believe that it was God who made me a soldier.  To protect others from the wolves.

Likewise, I believe that it was God who made me a husband and father.
To be the best possible partner to an amazing woman.  
To teach these wonderful children to be strong and caring.  
To lead my family in the faith.

I have always know that I can not do this alone. I can not possibly give this woman and these children the life they deserve.  I can not be a business leader in the civilian world, and a military leader at the same time.  
But, I do.  
I do and I am because God has given me the strength to follow his commands for me.

Recently, I was discussing our new adoption journey with a friend.  We are about the same age.  He is divorced, has a failing career, and (in his words) is failing as a father.  
He asked me flippantly, "How do you have the strength, how do you know you can do this?"  
I quickly responded, "Because, I'm superman!"  

Then, I gave a quick glance at him and saw the look on his face.  His question was clearly no flippant.  He was completely serious.  The conversation immediately took on a different tone.

We talked for over two hours about faith and finding strength in God.  He already knew everything I had to say, but he had forgotten and simply lost his way.  The conversation was a sobering reminder to me not to allow my fears and doubts to creep in.

As we have been starting up the adoption process again, I (we) have had a few doubts...money, time, ability to parent more than the five children we have now. (These are just a few...)

But, I am newly reminded that this is not a selfish endeavor that we have created in our own heads.  
This is a command that God has put In our hearts.
 And, HE will always give us the strength to carry our this mission.

God made life like a fishing trip...and, I feel like a 10 year old.

God made life like a fishing trip, and I feel like a 10 year old.

Right now our house seems huge and empty.  Tobi and the kids are at the lake enjoying the summer at Grandma and Grandpa’s cabin.  Recently, I was able to spend a week with them there.  It was great to unplug form the world (sort of).  I still had to check emails and keep my phone handy, but we really had time to focus on just our family.

Time to go fishing.  

Got the license and worms. 

Check the tackle box.

Grab the poles.

Get the life jackets.

Gas up the boat.

"Hurry up, Dad, the fish are waiting!”  

It’s an awesome place to be: floating on the quiet lake, hooks in the water, feet up, surrounded by my favorite kids.  I could do this for hours, maybe forever, just sitting and waiting.  Most of the time, I don’t even care if we catch anything.  

This year turned out to be different than other years that we've spent on that lake.  Usually, we manage to catch a few, but this year the Northern are going crazy.  I find myself, not sitting, but moving from one kid to the next.  

Take out the hook.

Debate whether it’s a keeper.

Put it in the live well or let it go.

Wash my hands in the lake.

Move to the next fish on the next kid’s pole.  

Every once in a while, I get enough time to cast out and catch my own.  This is awesome!  With each fish, it is more exciting.  

Then, a snagged weed, a lost hook, a fish gets off, and suddenly someone in the boat it not having a good time anymore.  Frustration comes out of his mouth.  Impatience starts to build.  

“It’s time to move to a different spot, Dad.”  

Then, I said it, “Relax son, that’s why it’s called fishin', not catchin'.”  (No offense Dad, but I think I’m becoming my father.”)  

For a 10 year old, the prep takes too long, no fish is “too small to keep,” and it’s the catching he’s after, not the fishing.  But, on that lake I could sit and be still all day.  

But, I’m not at the lake anymore.  I’m at home in this big, quiet, empty house, thinking about our adoption journey…. And, I feel like a 10 year old boy.  The prep takes too long, no child should be thrown back.  It’s the catchin' I’m after…..damn the fishin'.

A friend once told me, you have to prepare yourself and then “Wait for God to show up.”  We have always told our children that “Patience is a gift from God.”  But, I am not doing so well with those concepts right now.  I want what I want, and I want it right now.

I am absolutely confident that God put adoption on our hearts.  I have total faith that this is the path he has set before us.  And, I know that the “hurry up and wait” that is happening in our lives right now, is also in his plan.  He has seen us through every test.  He has been with us on every journey.  And, He has filled our nets with abundant blessings….. but, I wish He would hurry up.

As frustrating as this process can be, I know that He will make it all clear when the time is right.  In the mean time, I am praying for patience, hoping for miracles, counting our blessings, and asking for clear vision.

Thank you to all of our friends and family that have been praying with us, and supporting our fund raising

efforts.  It seems that money, time, and patience are the resources that I struggle to have enough of.  I sometimes forget that my wife, my children, and you are the resources God gave me to sustain through anything. 

Thank you for your support. 

I Pace the Floor

It's 1:00 in the morning...and, I'm wide awake.  I'm not awake because I have to be.  My bed lies empty and beckons me to rest.  But, I can't.  My body aches.

This isn't an ache like the flu or the result of a good work-out.  It's the ache that comes from yearning...for longing...from dreaming.

I would like to believe that I am simply awake because we are on vacation and I'm so relaxed.  But, that's a lie.  I'm pacing the floor.  If I was at home, I'd be cleaning and moving furniture.  There's something so therapeutic about the physical activity of moving a large piece of furniture.  Maybe it is the proof that I am strong enough to push a couch...or just being active and ignoring the nagging thoughts that haunt me.

Tonight, I leave the furniture alone and simply pace the floor.

You see, tomorrow begins another fundraiser.  It is one more time that we ask our family, friends and community to support our adoption.  And, doubt is taking over.  My mind races with worries:
"What if no one bids?"
"What if you offend people?"
"What if the donated items don't sell for a price that honors the item's true value?"
"What if this fundraiser doesn't make enough money? What next?"
The worries and negativity threaten to take over as I cry out in prayer to a God that has brought me here...to this place of angst.  The desire for another child and the unclear, uncertain path of making that a reality.

I remain convicted that God has called Brian and I to adopt another child.  Yet, I worry.  I want proof.  I want an easy path.  I want the MEGA check to show up in the mail so I don't have to ask for help.  And, so I pace the floor.

I have tried sitting down.  I've opened up the I-pad and wasted the minutes away with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram (aren't I the modern mom?!?) and e-mails.  I have even opened the Kindle app to read one of the three books I have started.  Yet, my mind wanders and my body aches to move.

It seems surreal.  But, I can smell HER.  I can almost FEEL her tiny body in my arms.  And, I KNOW that she exists.  Call me crazy, but I know that this child for which we have prayed is just out of our reach.  My fingers ache to touch her hair and my lips almost tingle with the anticipation of kissing her sweet cheeks.  But, at this late hour, the "maybe child" has become a baby girl.  My body aches with anticipation...yearning...desire.  It feels almost as intense as the 8th month of each of my four pregnancies.  I have to move.  I have to act.

And, yet, there is nothing left to do. The silent auction website is ready.  The homestudy paperwork is done.  The first of many grant applications have been filled out.  So, I pace the floor.

I wait.  I yearn.  I seek.  God's hand is in this...and, it is His time to act.  Yet, I cannot let go.  I SO desire control...and God and I struggle.  He assures me that He is in control...and, I, like a caged tiger, pace the floor seeking control.

Down deep, I know I will have to conceed.  Every time I have given "up" and let God lead, that's when the best and most wonderful miracles occur.  Why is it so hard for me to recognize the pattern of God's continual provision and simply trust?

I don't know.  But for now, my heart takes over...and, in anticipation of all that may be, I pace the floor.

Blessings of Home Made Donations

There is a beautiful and generous woman who is on of our biggest fans and supporters.  I'm honored to call her my sister in law.  She has given us a beautiful quilt for our silent auction.

The quilt is 47 x 61and is a good size to have when laying around reading or watching t.v.  We are so very humbled and grateful for her generosity...and, we are so very excited to how God will use the silent auction as part of our adoption process.

If you have a donation that you are still thinking about gifting, it isn't too late!!  Just contact Tobi and we will get everything set and uploaded to the auction site.

Thank you for your support!

Silent Auction: Artwork Galore!!

We are so very excited to have received some amazing artwork for our upcoming silent auction!

11 x 8 "Remember" 

8 x 10 "Star Flower"

11 x 8 "Twist"

3.5 x 5 "1 of 3"

9 x 12 "This Girl Is On Fire"

7 x 7 "Cabin Life"

6 x 8 "Bucket"

4.5 x 10.5 "Relation #1"

All of these beautiful works were donated by Shelby Larson.  What an amazing, generous, and talented young woman!  To check out even more of her artwork, please visit her website at:  http://shrson14.wix.com/shelbylarsonofficial 

Thank you to everyone who has donated to our fundraiser so far!  We appreciate all of your prayers and words of encouragement as we begin another fundraiser.

If you haven't done it yet, please visit our silent auction website by clicking here!

As always, we continue to need your support!  Please consider helping us in one or all of the following ways:

1.  PRAY!! - We covet your prayers as we seek to fund our adoption.  Please help us surround this fundraiser with prayer that it might net the dollars we need so that we can begin the "matching" portion of our adoption either late this summer or early this fall.

You can simply donate cash
by clicking the donate money
button from the auction site.
Thank you!

2.   Donate! - Do you have a home business and would be interested in gifting to our auction?  Maybe you have a gift card lying around that you'd be willing to give?  Need a summer activity with the kids and willing to make a theme basket to donate?  We would LOVE your support!  Just let Tobi know and we'll get everything arranged!  Also, if you'd like to simply donate CASH to help support our adoption, you can do that by simply clicking on the link on the first page of our silent auction!  Every dollar helps make this mission a reality for our family.  Thank you for your prayerful generosity!

3.  Help us get the word out! - The best way for us to pass along the word is with YOUR help.  Could you post a link to our auction site to your social networks and let others know about this opportunity to support us?  We would really appreciate it!

4.  Mark your Calendars & Get Ready to Place Your Bids!! - Set-up your account and be ready to start bidding from July 7 - 19th.  

Thank you for your support, prayers and encouragement!  We are so very blessed to be surrounded by such a generous and loving community!

Homestudy Step: COMPLETE! Check!

Two more weeks have passed and we are excited to announce that we have finished our Home Study visits and all the paperwork has been turned into our social worker.

Our visits with the social worker were very encouraging.  Our social worker, Janis Simkins with LCFS of Missouri, spent our first session (last Tuesday) taking a tour of our home.  She checked for fire extinguishers, smoke detectors, exits from the home and medication/chemical storage areas.  Mrs. Simkins also interviewed each of our older children.  This was a new experience for our kids and really was a positive addition.  They had the opportunity to share their thoughts, feelings and opinions about our family and the steps we are taking to adopt another child.

J helping to entertain Little E
while we are being interviewed.

The second visit, Mrs. Simkins interviewed Brian and I as a couple and then interviewed us separately.  The
questions were very similar to the ones that we had already filled out on our paperwork, but we had the opportunity to elaborate and answer any follow-up questions that may remain.  I know that others find the home visits to be initially overwhelming, but it is a piece to the process that I enjoyed.

One odd wrinkle this time...compliments of the state of Missouri.  We actually had our fingerprints taken at a UPS store.  It felt a bit odd to be standing near their shipping counter and having our fingers scanned to be "uploaded" into the system.  However, I must say it was very, very efficient!

 All the paperwork is FINALLY done.

We have had our THREE visits with our social worker.

Now, it is time to move on to fundraising (as we wait for the rough draft of our home study to be completed).

This is the most unsettling piece of this entire adoption for Brian and me.  It would be SO much easier to just take a loan or win the lottery!  However, we are also aware that this is the exact place where God has called us to be so that we can learn more fully how to trust in Him.  

So, we push worry aside and move forward in faith.  God will provide the funds we need to bring home the child that He has chosen for our family.  We must simply pray that we have the wisdom to know when the time is right...and which fundraisers to have, which grants for which to apply and opportunities to save more money.

We are excited to announce our newest fundraiser:  

Tobi & Brian Silent Auction On-Line Fundraiser

July 7 - 19th, 2014

Click Here to Visit our Auction!!

www.32auction.com/brianandtobiadoption

We feel so very blessed to be partnering with Thrivent Financial to have this fundraiser be an Action Team sponsored event!  The $250 gift card, t-shirts, invitations, and thank you notes are a huge help, and we are excited to have the support!

As always, we need your support! Please prayerfully consider helping to make our Silent Auction Fundraiser a success in one of the following ways:

1. Prayer - Please pray that our event is successful.  We are confident that any opportunity to call forward prayer warriors to help us bless this event will be a HUGE blessing!
2. Auction Item Donations - We are in need of additional auction items.  If you would be willing to donate a gift card, auction basket, or other item, we would be so very grateful!  Please contact Tobi (tobiroesler@gmail.com) by July 5th with any items that you'd be willing to donate.
3. Spread the Word - Please help us spread the word about our auction via your social media networks (i.e. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram...MySpace?!?).  The more people bidding and sharing, the more we can share both the news about the blessing of adoption as well as increase the potential for funds raised!
4. Simple Cash Donations - There is a tab on the first page of our on-line auction that you can simply click to gift a cash donation to our family to help off-set the costs of adoption.  Every dollar you give will bring us one step closer to completing our adoption.

We are so excited by the response we have already received!  Two donations that we would like to highlight, today:

Some amazing artwork by Shelby Larson:

There are additional pieces available both in our auction as well as sold by the artist herself on her website.  Click here to see more artwork by Shelby.

Also, for you sports fans, we have an official, autographed Duane Brown jersey!!

 Thank you for continuing to support us as we journey forward on this adoption adventure.  We could not do it without the prayers, encouragement and generosity of our friend, family and community!

Homestudy Visits...This Week

For those of you keeping track, I found this graphic that may be helpful in understanding our Adoption Journey:

In our journey (as it is our second adoption and we are not using the HOPE, INC agency), we have made it all the way to the Home Study phase of the process.  Brian and I finally got the paperwork turned in June 5th.  It was a huge relief to have this piece DONE and handed into our caseworker, Janis Simkins, at Lutheran Children & Family Services of Missouri.

We feel very blessed that our caseworker was willing and able to set-up our home visits so quickly following the past months of us plugging through our paperwork.  Both visits will be this Tuesday and Thursday.  Please pray that everything will go smoothly.  Last time, I was very nervous about having someone come to my home and determine whether our home and family would be fit for a new child.  I think I may have driven a few of the kids crazy in my cleaning frenzy!  This time, I am a bit older and wiser and recognize the importance of Janis seeing how life really is in our home.  Don't worry!  I will clean a bit more than usual, but not enough to derail our semi-relaxed summer pace.

Following our visits this week, our caseworker will need time to compile everything into a neat and tidy packet that our consultants (Dawn & Jason) with Christian Adoption Consultants.  This part of the process can take up to a month or so depending on our caseworker's work load.  So, we need to get our financial support together so we are ready to start "matching" with potential adoption situation by the beginning of September.  Having just typed that, I am fairly confident that this timeline is MINE and may not be God's...so, as I move forward in faith, here's what we know:

1)  We are pursuing a "Special Needs Adoption."  This means that the we will be looking at situation that have children special needs (E would have fallen in this category), children over the age of 3 and sibling groups.  We will be prayerfully considering any and every option that Dawn & Jason share with us.  However, we will patiently wait until we feel God's hand saying it's time to move.

2) We cannot begin to look at potential adoption situations until our funds are raised.  Most situations will require the money right away and the cost of adoption can range anywhere from $20,000 - $34,000.  It feels overwhelming when I just look at the total amount.  However, a good friend helped me break it down into goals that feel more manageable.

Each of the boxes in the two graphs represent a dollar amount that we need to raise.  Once all the boxes are colored in, we will have the amount needed to ensure that we can afford to adopt any child(ren).

Now, as my recent blog re-post shared, it is NOT our intention to make you uncomfortable:

What we covet first and foremost is your focused prayers for our family and this entire process.

God has called us this far, and we know that He will see us through each stage.  Your support, encouragement and prayers as week seek to fulfill His will is such a blessing to our family!

We have been amazingly blessed by so many friends and family who have donated financially to bring us to this point already.  Each time I mark off a box, I am reminded how amazing it is to be partnering with so many people to make this calling a reality.  

One of those amazing blessings was the garage sale fundraiser this weekend.  I am blown away by the gift of time and energy that our friend, Anne, put into this act of love for our family's adoption.  It was even more amazing the number of people (both that we knew and those we didn't) who gave generously so we could have so many treasures to sell!  Our garage sale fundraiser this past weekend earned $1000.35!!  What a wonderful, amazing blessing!!

There is obviously more fundraisers in the works...including a silent auction starting on July 7th.  More information will be coming soon.  In the meanwhile, please continue to be in prayer for our family and the funds that need to be raised.