It has been a number of weeks and mailing countless grant applications since we last posted to this blog. So, I think I will start with a few details:1) We put our "yes on the table." The birth mother said her "self-less, life-giving yes" to another family. Were we disappointed? Of course. However, we are confident that two important things have happened. First (and ultimately most important), God's ultimate plan for this baby is happening in perfect timing for the family that the birth mom chose. What an amazing blessing! Second, having said our first "yes," the next one will get easier...I hope.
2) We have not had another situation come to us that we felt that God was prodding us to move out of our comfort zone into the eager, anxious waiting period. Is this place of waiting and wondering hard? Absolutely!! I probably check my e-mail every 10 minutes. It's ridiculous! I don't want to miss anything. I keep looking through the paperwork that our adoption consultants gave us eager to find something I may have missed that could open a doorway. I yearn to leave this very dry season of waiting...and enter into the season of new life - the new life of a new family member.
Today was our second day of 70 degree temperatures. Spring is starting to show itself. There is green grass peeking it's head through the lifeless brown that is covering in our lawn. Our entire family embraced the sunshine and headed outside to simply BE. I watched as we all seemed to shake off our dull, lifeless winter forms and energetically interact with one another. It was so refreshing!
Many times, this adoption journey feels like the wheels have come off and there is no longer any forward momentum. We are sitting lifeless. Waiting. Dull. Dreary. And, I begin to question why I am on this journey at all. Shouldn't it be enough that we are willing, waiting and wanting?
Then, I am reminded that it is during this period of waiting and wanting that God is working on me. He is asking me if I trust him enough to stay the course...practice faithfully following even when I cannot see or know the outcome. I survive the winter months with the confidence that spring will come. There will once again be sunshine and warmth; flowers and green grass; birds and butterflies. I need to also remember during this period that there will be a springing of new life for our family...all in God's timing. Not Tobi's.
Just like today was a wonderful, refreshing reminder that spring will come (although, thanks to the Groundhog, we are waiting another month!), I am reminded that God continues to provide and direct our steps. Just last week, I ended my morning devotion pleading with God for a sign that He wanted us to continue on this adoption journey. That afternoon in the mail, we were blessed with a wonderful card and check from friends from our last church family. Messaged received. Stay the course.
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