God has shown up...time and time again.
It is in the reflection of these past days, weeks and years that I can see why we had to wait so long...why the numerous failed matches...why this needed to be God's timing and not mine. And, I have been reminded that God has journeyed with us during the good and bad times, but has clearly been paving the way for this adoption by creating connections, friendship and planting us in a church family.
As I think about the timeline of events, I find that I get confused...and sometimes disbelieve all that has happened. So, I decided to sit down and blog the events as I remember them and share our adoption testimony.
Putting Our "Yes On the Table" - Again.
I found this situation at the beginning of September on a an adoption website I frequently visited. I inquired about the situation because it listed an African American baby girl due mid-September. When the agency responded, I immediately ruled it out because of the high dollar amount they were asking for the adoption. Brian and I already were stepping out in faith asking for financial support and we knew the top-dollar for which we could secure a loan. So, I hit the delete button and said a little prayer for this birth mom that she would find the right family for her little girl.
Two weeks later, I received an email from the agency stating that they had lowered the cost by almost $12,000 and would we be willing to consider the situation. That e-mail was the catalyst that started Brian and I talking....praying....dreaming...and, researching. Throughout this process, there have been defining moments that provided us clarity. One of those moments was seeing this video about getting over the cost of adoption. Yes. The cost is outrageous. Yes. We wish that the system wasn't broken, expensive and so complicated. But, at this moment, we say yes to all of that in order to adopt a child out of brokenness and into our forever family.
I am increasingly convinced that adoption is the result of brokenness - broken families, broken communities, and broken spirits. Healthy, happy and "whole" women do not choose to give away their unborn babies. It is (most often) an act of sacrificing one's own selfish desires and trying to gift that innocent soul a life without brokenness. Adoption can be the healing of brokenness. The mending...changing...and loving something (someone) into the beginning of a new reality.
It is this brokenness that will lead me to leave out some details surrounding this situation. These will be left for AJ to share when he feels it is right to do so as part of his testimony and his history. And, it is this brokenness that moved Brian and I to continue down the path of pursuing this birth mom and her child. It is our firm belief that regardless of a birth mother's condition, she should know that she is loved and that her decision for adoption is honorable & her sacrifice is recognized for the incredible gift that it is.
As our hearts were being stirred to take action, we had a major obstacle: NO updated home study. We had begun the process during the summer and were finishing up the paperwork having already had our renewal visitation with our case worker. We were uncertain if the agency would be willing to let us present to this birth mom knowing that our final home study could still be a week or more away from being finished.
Proof that God is in the details...what could have been the end of the dialogue, became a minor detail. Our local case worker went to town finishing up the home study in a record DAYS verses weeks. This beautiful woman even talked to our agency on her vacation in order to assure them that we were viable candidates for this placement...and, she even encouraged them to place a child with us as we were "an ideal family for adopting another child." Amazing!
With all signs moving us forward, I sat down our 4 oldest children over lunch. After our last adoption, they requested to have a "voice vote" in each scenario that we were considering. It made sense to me being the sister of 3 adopted siblings. It is easier to be "in the know" than surprised. So, I laid out the situation. The good stuff. The bad stuff. And, then sat back and waited. These amazing kids did not hesitate to encourage us to move forward. While I was weighing out all the pros & cons, they simply saw that this baby needed a family...and, they wanted to be that family.
Brian and I sought out the council of our adoption consultant and previous case worker to learn more about this agency. We talked to them about the details of the situation, and the increasing feeling that we were the only family the agency had found to present to this mom. It is one thing to have your profile shown with other families because then there is still a large margin for that new baby to be placed in a different family. But, this time saying yes felt heavier because we appeared to be the only choice currently available.
After a weekend of discussion & prayer, we felt that we had to say "no." It was not the brokenness of the situation or even the potential challenges this baby would present. It remained the high cost of this situation and the birth mom's desire to have yearly visits with her child. So, on Monday morning, I sat down with a heavy heart to e-mail the agency.
By Monday evening, the caseworker called and told Brian that cost should never be a reason to stop a family from adopting. And, if we could put together our financial request, they would still like to present us to the birth mom with the change of "openness" to our adoption. Once again, we sat down as a family to talk it through...with the unanimous decision we should continue forward.
Tuesday & Wednesday came and went with a few e-mails and phone calls from our agency requesting information from us as well as letting us know about our birth mom. The plan was to show her our profile book on Wednesday evening. However, due to an old phone and poor reception in the hospital, she was unable to view our book or even read about our family. Plans were made to have the local social worker meet with birth mom on Thursday.
While we were eager for answers, it was our position all along that the birth mom could still say no. She could make other arrangements. And while we made a few small moves to being prepared for her to say "yes," life was pretty much moving forward as "normal" for our family.
Until Thursday hit...
It is this brokenness that will lead me to leave out some details surrounding this situation. These will be left for AJ to share when he feels it is right to do so as part of his testimony and his history. And, it is this brokenness that moved Brian and I to continue down the path of pursuing this birth mom and her child. It is our firm belief that regardless of a birth mother's condition, she should know that she is loved and that her decision for adoption is honorable & her sacrifice is recognized for the incredible gift that it is.
As our hearts were being stirred to take action, we had a major obstacle: NO updated home study. We had begun the process during the summer and were finishing up the paperwork having already had our renewal visitation with our case worker. We were uncertain if the agency would be willing to let us present to this birth mom knowing that our final home study could still be a week or more away from being finished.
Proof that God is in the details...what could have been the end of the dialogue, became a minor detail. Our local case worker went to town finishing up the home study in a record DAYS verses weeks. This beautiful woman even talked to our agency on her vacation in order to assure them that we were viable candidates for this placement...and, she even encouraged them to place a child with us as we were "an ideal family for adopting another child." Amazing!
With all signs moving us forward, I sat down our 4 oldest children over lunch. After our last adoption, they requested to have a "voice vote" in each scenario that we were considering. It made sense to me being the sister of 3 adopted siblings. It is easier to be "in the know" than surprised. So, I laid out the situation. The good stuff. The bad stuff. And, then sat back and waited. These amazing kids did not hesitate to encourage us to move forward. While I was weighing out all the pros & cons, they simply saw that this baby needed a family...and, they wanted to be that family.
Brian and I sought out the council of our adoption consultant and previous case worker to learn more about this agency. We talked to them about the details of the situation, and the increasing feeling that we were the only family the agency had found to present to this mom. It is one thing to have your profile shown with other families because then there is still a large margin for that new baby to be placed in a different family. But, this time saying yes felt heavier because we appeared to be the only choice currently available.
By Monday evening, the caseworker called and told Brian that cost should never be a reason to stop a family from adopting. And, if we could put together our financial request, they would still like to present us to the birth mom with the change of "openness" to our adoption. Once again, we sat down as a family to talk it through...with the unanimous decision we should continue forward.
Tuesday & Wednesday came and went with a few e-mails and phone calls from our agency requesting information from us as well as letting us know about our birth mom. The plan was to show her our profile book on Wednesday evening. However, due to an old phone and poor reception in the hospital, she was unable to view our book or even read about our family. Plans were made to have the local social worker meet with birth mom on Thursday.
While we were eager for answers, it was our position all along that the birth mom could still say no. She could make other arrangements. And while we made a few small moves to being prepared for her to say "yes," life was pretty much moving forward as "normal" for our family.
Until Thursday hit...
More to Come in Tomorrow's Posting
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